


Her

by HQuinn



Series: Warden Arianna Oneshots [3]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:40:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4518714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chapters 43 & 44 from "Love and Darkspawn" from Anders point of view</p>
            </blockquote>





	Her

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to check me out, I'm on tumblr at: http://wardenari.tumblr.com/

He could see Hawke entering the Hanged Man from ahead.  _He_ was with her.  Anders steadied his breathing.  He had no right to be jealous.  Sure, he had feelings for Hawke, but he’d never once acted on them, never once told her how he felt, so what right did he have to be jealous that Fenris had been able to do what he didn’t have the guts to do.  Still, it pained him to watch them grow so close, and then something, he didn’t know what, although he had some suspicions, had happened.  Suddenly the flirting between Hawke and Fenris stopped overnight.  For a brief window of time he had thought he might have a chance, but still he remained frozen.   Justice wouldn’t allow it.  He had even punished Anders with refusing him sleep for two nights when Anders had tried to fight him on it.  And now…. now it seemed that Fenris was working his way back into Hawke’s heart.  And once again Anders just sat on the sidelines and did nothing.  Maker, he wanted to, but Justice had just become all the more powerful over the years, and he could no longer fight him.

Anders waited back a few minutes and then entered the tavern.  He wove through the crowd on his way towards Varric’s room when half way up the stairs he heard a noise that made him stop in his tracks.  It was a laugh.  A sound he hadn’t heard in years, but one he’d know anywhere.  And then her voice.  One he’d heard in his dreams so often he knew it as well as his own. 

“You got off easy.  She managed to win a pony off of King Alistair.”

Anders dashed the rest of the way up the stairs moving as quickly as his legs would carry him.  He manuvered around Hawke and Fenris, barely registering they were there.  Sitting at the table next to Cullen, was that angel.  A few years older, her hair much longer than last time he’d seen her, but it was her just the same.  Somehow she seemed more beautiful then he’d ever remembered.  He could feel Justice stir in him, but unlike with Hawke, Justice was also enamored to see her.

_She doesn’t know about us, I don’t think…_

**_I will stay back, she will not know I’m here_ **

That surprised him some, Justice was not usually so accommodating.

“Commander”, Anders called out finally finding his way to where she stood.  She turned around, and the smile she gave him set his heart singing immediately.  She stood before him and pulled him into a hug.  His nose filled with the smell of her, vanilla and lavender.  It was something he had loved back at Vigils Keep.  His own little secret.

“Anders!” she laughed, placing a hand on his cheek.  Her smile melted away all the pain he had felt the last several years.  Even Justice seemed to relax under her touch.  He had admired the Commander, found her to be a just and kind soul.

***

Anders was lying in his cot, wearing nothing but his britches as he had found it too hot suddenly for other clothing.  His one hand running along his chest.  Unlike other healers he battled, he carried a large staff, and as a result his body was as tone as a warrior.  His hand ran along the defined muscles of his stomach.  His eyes were closed, and he was imagining it was not his hands, but hers.  Sometimes her mouth, pressing kisses where his hands brushed.  He could feel his britches becoming uncomfortable, but still he did not reach for his cock. Not yet.

**_The Commander would not want us to use her in our thoughts_ **

“It’s just a fantasy, Justice.  Just let me have this, we both know she is leaving soon, nothing will happen.  Please.  I just need the release.”

**_She belongs to another, she is the Crow’s woman_ **

“I know, Justice.  And I know he’s good to her.  I would never act on this, but please, just let me have this, here, now.”

**_Very well_ **

Anders could feel Justice retreat.  He went back to the task at hand, so to speak.  His closed his eyes again, once again running his fingers along his chest, his abdomen.  In his mind, she was pressing little kisses to it.  His thoughts turning her calling out his name earlier in the tavern into something much more seductive.

“Anders” she whispered, a tongue darting along his neck.  He let out a small moan.

Her fingers toyed with the waist of his britches.  “Anders” she moaned into his ear.  Her fingers slowly dipping below the waist band, brushing over the top of his cock.  He shivered at the touch.  “I want to touch you”

“Arianna,” Anders moaned into the silence in his room.

He felt her fingers start to peel off his britches and smalls all in one move.  She wrapped her fingers around his length, causing him to hiss.  He was so hard, he couldn’t remember ever feeling this much pressure before.  As soon as she started to pump him he couldn’t help but buck his hips into it and let out a moan again.

His one hand gripped the side of the cot, as she pumped him.  Barely a few touches and he already felt pressure building.

He could practically feel her breath on his neck, near his ear, almost convince that if he opened his eyes, he’d see her there.  The voice he knew was just in his head sounded so real, as if she was there.

“Look at you, so hard for me.  You feel so good in my hand, I want to hear you scream my name” she moaned in his ear.

Her pumping of him increased in speed while varying between light and rough touches.  Anders could feel a tightening in his balls.  Maker, he wanted this, her, so badly.

“Come for me, Anders” she moaned in his year, her hand moving up and down his shaft.

“Ari!” he screamed, feeling his hot seed spill out onto his abdomen.  His was panting hard.  Sweat covering his forehead.  His eyes still closed.

She retreated with a feather light kiss on his lips.

***

The next morning he sat helping a miner with a cough.  The man worked for Hawke in the Bone pit.  Like so many, even with some coin, paying for healing was expensive.  Anders knew his supplies were running low, but he would never turn away someone that needed his help.  He knew he needed to find a way for more supplies if he was going to continue.  Hawke had money, and he knew she’d help if he asked, but he felt awkward doing so. 

Anders heard a movement at the door and looked up only to blush slightly when he saw it was her.  He nodded and looked back to the patient, needing to concentrate on the man before him, and not on the images his mind wanted to call up of the night before.

After he healed the man and sent him on his way, he turned to face the Commander.

“Comman… Ari, what can I do for you?  Where’s Eleanor?” he asked.

“She’s on an adventure with Cullen of some sort,” she laughed. “I came down to see you.  I’d heard you set up a clinic.  How are you, Anders, are you ok?” she asked, reaching out her hand to his arm.  “I was worried when Nate said you left.”

He felt a shiver run through him when she touched his arm.  If she felt it she gave no indication.  She was worried about him?  He knew she had told Cullen once that there was a place for him in Antiva if he needed it.  He’d even thought once about doing so, but Justice reminded him that they had work to do here, that the mages here needed him.

“I’m ok” he nodded, hoping she’d believe him.

“I’m sorry about what happened when I left, Anders.  I wanted you to know, that man was removed from command because of it.  Just know you have friends in Ferelden if you ever need.” She smiled at him.

She… she was sorry?  It wasn’t her fault, but she had seen to it that something was done just the same.  Her eyes moved around, taking in the clinic.  When they rested on the door to his room Anders stiffened, if she only knew how he had taken himself to hand last night at the thought of her.  She’d probably be so disgusted and angry, never to speak to him again.

She prepared to leave, but first leaned up and kissed his cheek.  Anders couldn’t stop the blush this time, instead turning his head.  Maker, if she had any idea the thoughts in his head.  His treacherous mind immediately pulled up an image from his fantasy the night before of her moaning in his ear, her fingers running along his abdomen.

Anders had never been so grateful before to be wearing Mage Robes that would cover his growing arousal at her nearness.

When she left, he picked up her note and the pouch she had left for him.  Inside the pouch was enough coins and jewels to restock the clinic for a year at least.

_Anders,_

_I knew you’d refuse this if I just gave it to you.  I’d tell you to use it to get yourself some food and new clothes, but from what Cullen tells me you’ll just use it on the clinic.  Just promise me you’ll use a little for a meal.  You really are too skinny._

_-Ari_

Anders knew at that moment he was a goner.  What he _thought_ he felt for Hawke was nothing at all.  It couldn’t hold a flame to the feelings in his heart right now for the woman who had just left his clinic.  A woman he knew was never to be his, as Justice was pointing out right now.

For a moment he wondered how she could afford this, then recalled she was a Teyrna in Ferelden.  Second only to the King.

***

Anders arrived at the Hanged man, secretly hoping they were still there.  His heart sang when he walked into Varric’s room and saw her there with her daughter and Isabella.  He watched her for a moment with the girl, Eleanor.  She was so natural with her.  Laughing as the girl was telling the two women a story and drawing a picture.  His mind tortured him with thoughts of her being the mother to his child, that it was their daughter that was drawing pictures.  He pushed those thoughts down, and entered the room.

Once again she flashed him that warm smile that made him melt.  He knew without a doubt it must have been that smile that had caused Zevran to turn from the Crows.  Anders knew that if it was in his power, he also would have done anything to see that smile.

Ari had Norah place a bowl of stew in front of him.  He tried to refuse it, but she was having none of that.

“You have to eat it all, otherwise you she makes you go to bed early with no dessert or story”, Ari’s daughter had explained.  Anders’ mind clung to that word, _bed_.  He turned his attention to the bowl in front of him before he’d start blushing again.  He knew if he did, Isabella would catch him.

“Noted” he replied to the girl with a wink.

Hawke, Fenris and Varric soon entered, taking the empty seats around.  Eleanor had run up to Fenris and presented him with a drawing and it surprised Anders to see how gentle the normally vicious warrior was with the child.  _Perhaps not such a wild beast_ he thought.

After Eleanor had returned to her seat, Fenris looked across the table to Anders.  He had prepared to snarl, used to seeing the man looking at Hawke, _his_ Hawke, as he was starting to think of her more.  Instead what he saw gave him pause.  Whenever the woman, Ari, was looking away, to Isabella, or Varric, Anders would raise his eyes from his stew.  The look Fenris saw the mage giving the woman nearly broke his heart.  He knew without a doubt it was most likely the same look that Fenris had been giving Hawke whenever she wasn’t looking.  It was the look of a man hopelessly in love with a woman he felt unworthy of.  Any desire Fenris may have had to bicker with Anders, died right there, realizing he was seeing someone in the same wonderfully horrible heartache he himself was in.

***

Anders stood on the deck with Cullen, Ari, Eleanor and Zevran.

“Ahh, I see you found your wayward mage!” Zevran winked to Ari.  “She was quite upset when you disappeared.  You owe me the bottle of brandy she drank because of that.” He laughed, offering a handshake to Anders.

She had talked about him?  She was upset? Drinking because of him? Because she cared that harm had come to him?  His heart beat faster as he returned Zevran’s handshake.

“You don’t touch Mamá’s stuff!” Eleanor explained.

Anders laughed at that.  He remembered once asking Cullen if he was going to drag him off to the Gallows, being as he was the Knight Captain.  Cullen had explained that Ari considered Anders one of her people, and as such, she’d do anything to protect him, and that Cullen was not about to risk her wrath.  Cullen told Anders that he had promised Ari to do what he could to keep the Templars off of him.  That she had done that, _for him,_ amazed him.  No one before, at least not since Solona, had ever really cared a lick about what happened to him.

Zevran laughed, pulling Anders back to the present, “Exactly, Princesa, exactly.  Will you be returning with us?” he asked Anders.

For half a minute Anders considered it.  He could be closer to her, hear her laughter every day, be some regular part of her life.  Then Justice spoke up to bring reality to his fantasy.

**_I will not allow that!  We are needed here to get Justice for the mages.  I will not allow you to desert our goals when we are so close.  There is no logic to you going back there.  It’s bad enough you pine for Hawke when she wants the tattooed elf.  Why follow them where you will just pine for another man’s wife._ **

Anders sighed and rubbed his temples with his hand.  He knew Justice was right, nothing was awaiting him in Denerim but heartache and possible capture back into the Circle.  He shook his head, “No, I’m needed here.”

He knew Zevran meant well, but he suspected he wouldn’t be so kind if he knew the thoughts that went through the mage’s mind about his wife.

***

Anders stood on the dock with Cullen, watching the ship carrying the family off to their new life in Ferelden.  He closed his eyes, he could almost still smell her, vanilla and lavender.  He had told her he would come to Denerim to visit, knowing it was a lie.  He would not see her again.  A Warden’s life is a short one, and he would not bring her pain in what time she had left by following her around like a love sick puppy as he had with Hawke.  He opened his eyes to watch the departing ship, feeling Justice finally relax knowing they were away from her again.


End file.
